The Violent Champions

The Violent Champions

A Big Absolute Waste of Time

by "Pecky"

Part One

Mike Gull stopped punching the child in the face and straightened up slowly, holding his lumbar regions in discomfort. His back was fucked; he thought to himself - how much longer would he be able to continue kicking in kids without any help. The six-year-old lad's smashed-in face emitted a low groaning sound as Gull thought to himself. He might have to make a call to Glenn Happery, the young tearaway from a nearby village known for, amongst other things, smashing babies up with spades and chainsawing his own Nan's fucking face up. Glenn was fit, strong and keen, and more importantly shared Mike Gull's passion for smashing up kids and ladies. Gull gave the boy one last massive kick in the guts with his heavy boots and caved all his fucking chest in, smashing his ribs into bits, then he walked off.

As Mike Gull walked down the busy town street, he had a spring in his step and a lightness of heart. He walked past a young mum hurriedly pushing a pram towards the nearby supermarket. He bounced onto his toes like a boxer and put his dukes up in front of the pram, blocking the pavement. Gull started shrieking "YEAAAAAAAAHHHHH????? COME ON THEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!" and recoiled his weight onto the back foot, like a cobra waiting to spring. He burst forth with immense power, bringing a right-handed jab through to the young woman's fragile jaw, actually detaching the jawbone from the rest of the face, ripping through the skin with sickening ferocity. He had smashed the fucking jaw off of her fucking face! Mike Gull didn't give a fuck - he just jumped in the air really high and landed his knees on the young mum's face, smashing what was left of it to smithereens. Then Gull kicked the pram as hard as he could. He could not believe his luck when the little baby flew through the air, wailing, and smashed into the front of a bus that was going too fast. The baby was smashed to fucking bits and Mike Gull ran down the road yelling and shrieking, punching and kicking all passers-by on his way, knocking a lot of them into the road.

Mike Gull ran really fast, hyperventilating and screaming with joy, all the while thinking to himself about his massive power. He was a mighty man, almost like a God! It was an honour for a little young baby to be smashed up into a paste with a bowling ball by him. He didn't give a fuck. He had just been eating base speed and raw steak all blended up together for days now. It gave him the superhuman powers he required for killing kids and lasses. He stopped running and span round on the spot with his arms out like a Tasmanian Devil off the cartoons. He was careering around the street spinning with his fists out. He went right into a very old lady struggling with her shopping bags. His quickly spinning fists made light work of the frail old woman, smashing both her cheekbones into dust and knocking the few teeth she had left all over the road. Mike Gull then stopped spinning and screamed with laughter to himself while he furiously stamped on the old lady's arms, breaking them. Then he threw her useless, moaning, bloody and smashed up old body under the wheels of a speeding black cab to make sure he'd made her die. The old lady's smashed up ancient head splattered like an egg under the taxicab's cruel wheels.

By this time Gull was nearly home. He quickly popped into the corner shop for some cans. Mike Gull did a high kick like a can-can dancer and powered his boot into the side of the elderly proprietor's head. The old woman's temple caved in like a dented can of beans! Mike Gull was so excited he did a piss all over the shop, some of it accidentally going on the old lady's old groaning head! He took his cans of Super and some fags and ham, and jumped on the old shopkeeper's pelvis. He heard a light snapping sound like balsa wood breaking. He giggled to himself like a little girl. On the way out of the shop a young lass was coming in on the way to college to get some fags. He punched her in the stomach incredibly hard using both fists like a character out of some computer fighting game! As she groaned and buckled over he did an uppercut in her head. He was nuts and he didn't give a fuck! He had to hurry though - go home, ring Glenn Happery and quickly do a deal of some sort so they had the manpower to go over to Coventry and quickly kick the fuck out of some kids at a playgroup! For this reason Mike Gull left the lass in the shop with only a couple of injuries and none that were fatal, although the uppercut to her head did end up making her speak a bit like a deaf person and dribble her food a bit. Mike Gull did not know this at the time, but if he had, he would not have given a fuck. He left the shop vibrating very fast and making a high-pitched screech like a kettle boiling.

When Mike Gull got home and started looking through the telephone directory for Glenn Happery's number, he thought to himself about what an unusual man he was. He loved to smash the fuck out of puny women and children but it was not in a pervy sexy way, uh uh! The funny thing was Mike Gull had cut his own cock and balls off when he was nineteen, he didn't give a fuck, he just did it, and dug a lot of veins and stuff out as well. So it was not a sexy thing for him to do, it was just to express his enormous power and cunning and also his crazy quirky personality! He found Glenn Happery's number and rung him up. The two men had a nice chat, as they had heard of each other and knew about each other's mighty skills. Glenn had a voice just like a little baby and he used 'goo-goo' language as well, like "Gwenn is going to smash wittle baby-waby's head off!" It was really annoying and stupid and really immature, Mike Gull thought, but he had to tolerate this eccentric character trait, he concluded, as there was no one else in the county who could grind a young baby up with a massive pestle and mortar like Glenn Happery. The baby language seemed really weird as well because Glenn Happery was a massive man, a bodybuilder who looked a bit like a big fierce bear. To hear him talk like a little baby, and sometimes cry like one as well, was really really weird!

Glenn Happery wasn't going on all in a weird and sexy way, either, no way! Glenn had a massive amount of power from a young age. Sometimes when he was about five years old, he could stand there and grit his teeth and tense all his muscles and he would glow like a beacon, with a bright red light emanating from his head and body. He did this so hard one time, that actual rays of fire started shooting out his body. Glenn's power was a ridiculous thing to behold. The only way he could use this power and carry on in his happy life was to use it to turn lasses and kids into a pulp. It was just an honest pursuit that kept him fit. Glenn Happery lived in an old windmill in the countryside.

Mike Gull got the coach to Glenn Happery's house. It was a long journey into the countryside and on the way Gull smashed two elderly female passengers to bits. He pulled their arms off just with brute strength, like he was an enormous gorilla! Mike Gull wasn't even that big as a person but his power came from deep within. Also on the journey he threw a baby out the window, and broke the baby's mum's spine! He didn't give a fuck about it. No one did anything about it on the journey because they were all too scared of Mike Gull's power. Everyone on the coach was really creeping round him, giving him sandwiches and biscuits...it was pathetic. When they reached the destination he thanked the driver and did a big flying kick out of the coach. There was a kid at the coach stop with his mum waiting for his Gran or something. Mike Gull's flying kick powered through the air and whacked the young kid right in the head, nearly severing his spinal column. The kid's head smashed into the mum's head and knocked all the mum's teeth out and smashed her nose into her face, then Mike Gull actually landed the kick with one foot on the kid's neck and one foot on the mum's neck. He landed with such power he instantly severed both heads, as if he had been wearing really sharpened-up ice skates! Glenn Happery was by the coach stop, waiting for Mike Gull and he smiled, impressed by Gull's powerful movements. The two powerful warriors shook hands.

Part 2

Glenn was really worried that Mike Gull was possibly better at kicking in women and kids than him. He felt really paranoid - maybe the reason Mike Gull had called and agreed to join forces was to steal Glenn's light. Glenn Happery thought this as he wept uncontrollably in a high pitched way, like a little baby, in the bogs of the pub that he and Mike were drinking in. Glenn repeatedly smashed his forehead against the wall of the cubicle and did a piss at the same time. He was really worried that he would have to stamp on Mike Gull's head until he ground out his brains, but he wasn't really about to do that as him and Mike didn't do violence on healthy adult men - just women and little kids! Glenn managed to compose himself and drank some water out of the tap. He felt his body swell up with an enormous power, so he strode out of the pub toilets looking really muscular and cool, like a barbarian from an action film!

There were some women from a local office sat in the corner of the pub, talking about their hard day at work. Glenn looked over to the bar, where Mike Gull was sitting drinking two bottles of Reef in a pint glass, and squealed in his baby-like way "Wook at me kicking in the lady-wadies Mike!" He took a little run-up, as if he was about to take a conversion kick in rugby. Glenn's massive size 12 steel toe capped boot connected with the 45 year old blonde woman's jaw, crumbling into fragments that propelled their way into the rest of her face, causing it to explode as if hit by a little bomb! Glenn Happery was incredibly powerful! The lady's friends dropped their glasses of wine and screamed in horror as Glenn swung his leg round and actually kicked a skinny wheelchair-bound lady's fucking head off. It landed on the floor and Glenn screamed like a maniac, jumping as high as he possibly could, and landed on the disabled woman's severed head, swivelling his foot down with a hip movement that was similar to disco dancing! The lady's head splattered like an egg. Glenn started vibrating and giggling like a little baby, which soon turned into distraught crying and screaming as he rampaged round like a bear, swinging his arms wildly. Mike Gull started to feel very competitive indeed! He had lunged forward off his bar stool and propelled his bony knee into a passing kid's face. The boy was only ten; he shouldn't even have been in the pub! His mother had sent him on an errand to get some fags out of the machine. Mike Gull had hold of the back of the lad's hair and was repeatedly smashing his knee into his face until it caved in, like a pie! As the boy gurgled and slumped to the ground, Gull jumped on his ribs and guts again and again until his stomach split open, like a slug that had been run over by a bike! Mike and Glenn sat down and took a breather.

Half an hour later, Glenn and Mike were pissed out of their heads, as the management of the pub were so terrified of the two tough guys they had been feeding them free drink all afternoon. They had both punched and kicked one of the barmaids incredibly hard; she had broken a few ribs but was still able to serve the two mighty warriors drinks. After another few minutes a tired looking woman in her late forties came in to the pub. She had sent her son in almost an hour ago to buy her some cigarettes and he still hadn't come back. Mike and Glenn knew what to do without even speaking to each other: they had an almost psychic connection! They charged with their fists out from opposite sides of the pub, thundering towards the young mother roaring like a pair of lions. Their fists smashed through the woman's skull, blasting it into pieces like a watermelon as her lifeless body flopped on the floor like a rag doll. Mike and Glenn's fists came together in a display of mutual respect as both charging men came to a halt above the freshly dead mum. Neither of these tough dudes gave a fuck! They were the power killing experts! They raised their other hands and slapped them together in a 'high five', both men shrieking as loud as they could. They took turns throwing the injured barmaid against the wall until her skull and back were broken, then they left the pub to go round Glenn's house, the old windmill. Both men had been initially suspicious of each other, but it now seemed like they were developing an effective working relationship.

Back at Glenn's windmill the two violent guys sat and ate a pasta meal and watched a documentary about sea creatures. Mike was amazed by the amount of strange animals that lived under the sea. He got up and smashed a wooden chair against the wall as hard as he could, grunting. Glenn laughed uproariously in his deranged high-pitched manner. Neither of them gave a fuck about anything! They just ate loads of pasta then started spitting on the floor, before starting a friendly conversation. Both men agreed that next time they kill a kid, Mike would hold its body and Glenn would pull its head as hard as he could, until he ripped the head clean off the shoulders. It would be a good way for the two warriors to collaborate and use their powers! Glenn asked Mike Gull why he cut off his cock and balls when he was nineteen. Mike got up and did a body wave, an old body-popping move, as he was really excited and this was an excellent way to express his feelings. He sat back down and told Glenn that his mum had told him to cut them off because she thought it would be funny. Luckily Mike had managed to seal the wound very quickly with a burning log off the fire; otherwise he would have bled to death. He didn't really give a fuck though; he thought it was funny as well. He just pissed out of a little hole, almost like a girl!

All of a sudden, Glenn started thinking about all the children and ladies he had killed. For a moment he thought it might have been a bad thing to do, as it was probably upsetting for the people who had been killed. He quickly ran out of his front door and on to the bus that had stopped just outside. He told the driver to fuck off and picked an old lady up from under the arms, carrying her from her seat. He then took her off the bus, and put her head in the gutter just in front of the large vehicle's powerful front wheels. She was very decrepit and confused so she just lay there like a moron. Glenn shouted at the bus driver to reverse his bus, and drive forward as fast as he could. The driver nervously muttered, "Yes sir" and did as Glenn said. The driver was absolutely terrified of the powerful warrior, and drove forward, crushing the elderly woman's head in seconds. The old lady's brains went everywhere; in fact some of them went on Glenn's weight-lifting trousers, which made him cry very briefly. He was fairly excited by the killing but not that impressed. For some reason he felt a bit numb - he was probably coming down with a cold and was also stressed out about bills. Everyone on the bus acted really calm and pretended not to have seen the pensioner's violent and pointless death. They were terrified that the same thing might happen to them! Glenn quickly nicked a baby off a woman's lap and ran off the bus with it. The bus driver carried on driving to the next stop as if nothing had happened. As Glenn hopped off the bus with the baby under his arm, he noticed that Mike Gull had also come outside, to see what all the commotion was about. Mike Gull felt a really warm feeling inside, as Glenn threw the baby towards him. Mike used all of his power to swing an enormous kick at the baby, as it hurtled through the air wailing. It was the most powerful kick Mike had ever done, it was almost like an atom bomb or something! Maybe working with Glenn was causing Mike to gain yet more power and energy, like an enormous battery was charging him up! His brown shoe hit the flying baby with such force that the little child simply exploded, making a huge bang that greatly disturbed both of the fighting men. Little bits of baby flew through the air, and both Mike and Glenn started doing pirouettes on the spot, like a couple of ballet dancing crazy tough guys! They were groaning as well, making a low guttural noise that was really immature and stupid.

Really though, they both knew they were wasting valuable time. They had to get into training and start observing a special diet, as they had to get to Coventry and smash up the playgroup. They initially thought it would be a quick job, but it transpired that there were loads of children there, nearly a hundred. The two guys weren't in good enough physical shape to do the job to the high standard they had set themselves, so for the next few days they ate chicken and loads of steroids and whiz. They also both meditated to get some inner peace. Not only were there a large number of children at the playgroup, but also they were very tough and beefy, and it would take a lot of power and expertise to smash them up until they looked like beef paste!



Part 3

Glenn awoke feeling groggy. He had not had a restful night's sleep. All night he had been plagued by scary dreams, dreams where laughing demonic babies were tearing off his skin. He had no idea what could have been bringing on these nightmares. It was a real nuisance! He stretched and yawned, and reached into his bedside cabinet for the little packet of heroin that he always kept there for emergencies. He felt really stressed. For the last few days him and Mike Gull had been training hard, as if they were Olympic athletes. They had been eating a combination of steroids, speed, chicken and steak, all blended up into a powerful concoction that was ideal for the muscular fighters' physical progress. They were doing really well and the last thing Glenn needed was stupid dreams about horrible monster babies. He bit a small hole in his arm with his sharp teeth and rubbed the lovely heroin into the bleeding wound. He couldn't be bothered to do it properly - he didn't give a fuck. Besides, heroin was really just for druggy weirdoes and he didn't approve of it at the best of times! Still, the powder did its job effectively, making Glenn Happery calm and ready for another day's punishing training.

Mike Gull had been up for about an hour already. He had put on an old video of breakfast television from 1985 that he found in the living room - Glenn had videotaped ITV's breakfast television every morning for about 12 years, until he lost interest in it, and he spent a lot of time watching the old footage. As luck would have it, whilst watching the promo video for "Loverboy" by Billy Ocean, Mike noticed a baby crawling across the floor, over by Glenn's exercise bike. Glenn must have forgotten this baby was in the house, otherwise he would have inevitably smashed fuck out of it. Mike picked up the gurgling baby, and before doing so, shouted, "I AM SORRY FOR BREAKING YOUR WINDOW GLENN!" as he threw the child through the nearest closed window as hard as he could. The glass shattered and the baby's gurgles suddenly turned into screams, as it was shredded up like lettuce and began its speedy descent to the ground below. Mike quickly legged it over to the window and looked out to see the baby splattered on the ground. It was nearly unrecognisable! Mike thought to himself about getting a tattoo, maybe one of a really cool motorbike. Glenn walked through into the living room to greet Mike. He wasn't really bothered about the window - the thing was, he didn't really give a fuck about anything. The two guys drank a few litres of the steroid, speed and meat mix and meditated for an hour or so.

When the two warriors came round from their deep meditation, they felt on top of the world. It would be a couple more days of this, and then they could take the trip to Coventry to set upon the playgroup. Those young children would not know what hit them! The combined power of Mike and Glenn's fists and feet would be about the same as twenty guns! Glenn felt confident that things were nicely on track. They could afford to relax for a while, so he decided that he and Mike would go and visit a couple of his old friends. Glenn ran the idea past Mike, who thought it would be just the ticket. They left the house and headed for Billy and Jimmy Lee's flat. Billy and Jimmy Lee were the two tough guy heroes from the arcade game Double Dragon. Glenn had met them a fair while ago when he had been doing some voluntary work at a local hospital. They had got on really well, and Glenn always made sure he visited the two guys every few weeks, as they were very bored these days. On the way, Glenn and Mike passed a four-year old boy riding past on his tricycle. They quickly remembered about the idea they had a couple of days ago. Glenn held the young lad's shoulders and Mike pulled on his head incredibly hard, until he felt the flesh tearing. Suddenly Mike pulled the kid's head clean off, except he had managed to pull out the lad's entire spine too! Blood flew everywhere and both tough dudes laughed, Mike in a moronic low tone and Glenn with a hysterical shriek. God knows where the kid's mum was, but she was lucky she wasn't there as she would have been smashed into fucking bits if she was! Mike took the blood-covered trike and threw it with all his might into a passing old lady's face. It made an almighty crunching noise as the pensioner's face caved in on itself, like a bloody soufflé that had failed in the oven! Glenn and Mike jumped up and down on the old woman's body with their heavy boots, until all that was left was a greasy smear on the pavement. All passers-by really tried not to notice what was happening - some of them even started whistling in a very conspicuous manner! Just about everyone in the world was terrified of the two mighty friends.

Another thing was, they would never get nicked for any of their horrible crimes. Glenn knew the head of the police force for all of Great Britain; he was an old mate of his, and he also used to play bridge with Mike sometimes. This ensured a blind eye for any of their slaying of women and children. Although in fact, a couple of years before Glenn had been snapping the limbs of young women at a rave. Someone got all brave and decided to ring the police, not knowing about Glenn's special diplomatic arrangement. The kid who answered the phone was new to the job and stupidly sent some female police officers to deal with the situation. Glenn repeatedly smashed the WPCs' heads into the wall until they were unrecognisable, then he ripped all their fucking arms and legs off. Why should he give a fuck? Word got back to the cops of the grisly scene and they were terrified. That was the last time the law ever interfered with Glenn Happery!

Half an hour later they were sat in Billy and Jimmy Lee's tawdry flat. The two martial arts heroes were very tired and cynical these days, as they had not had any fulfilling work for a good few years. They had taken to drink. Jimmy Lee had had a stroke six months previously, and one side of his face had slipped slightly. Billy just laughed all the time and carved little patterns in his arm with a rusty knife. Ken and Ryu out of Street Fighter had seen the once-mighty guys' downfall, and a couple of years previously had tried to help by bringing round food and reading stories to the bored, listless men. Billy and Jimmy had humoured the two young pretenders, before going completely crazy with them and forcing them to drink piss. Ken and Ryu left with their tails between their legs! Glenn reminded the arcade game veterans of this incident, and everyone laughed heartily. It was a heart-warming scene, to see four mighty masters of violence enjoying a laugh and a few cans of Super together. Mike was really impressed that Glenn knew these guys and felt a warm feeling of friendship deep in his body. Unfortunately, Jimmy and Billy started talking about sexy stuff, and it made Mike and Glenn feel all embarrassed and weird so they made their excuses and left.

By now the two fighting pals were quite pissed up and felt like doing some violence to a woman or a kid. On their walk home, they saw Bob Geldof pushing
David Banda in a pram - one of those posh three-wheeled prams with those kind-of mountain bike tires. Bob Geldof was taking Madonna's adopted son for an afternoon stroll as a favour to the successful female pop singer. Glenn and Mike suddenly got interested at the thought of smashing up yet another toddler. They were in for a shock! The scruffily dressed Geldof noticed the two violent guys and launched into a foul-mouthed tirade. "Oi, you, ya feckin' pricks! I know your game! Don't think for a feckin' minute I'm gonna let you get anywhere near young David Banda! I know about your pathetic penchant for destroying women and kids and I'm not feckin' having it either! You hopeless pair of cunts! Why don't you do something positive with your lives instead of just causing violence and pain to other humans! Look at me, I helped with the world's poverty and saved millions of lives, ya feckin' pricks! What have you ever done with yourselves, you stupid feckin weirdo pricks? Just feckin' do one, get the feck out of my cunting sight!" Geldof was incensed, and he was certainly turning the air blue with a stream of obscenities! Young Banda muttered to himself in his pram, apparently blissfully unaware of the realities of the situation. However, the boy had a certain glint in his eye that could not be quantified. Glenn Happery and Mike Gull felt really shaken up by Geldof's abusive tirade. They were quiet all the way back to Glenn's windmill - the change in mood was palpable. Somehow, both men felt that they would see the young David Banda again...

Part 4

All was not well in the world of Mike Gull and Glenn Happery. The two fighting tough guys still didn't really give a fuck about anything, compared to most people, but since that fateful encounter with Bob Geldof and the young Banda there had been a slight air of melancholy hanging over their violent proceedings. Geldof's frank and moral tirade had got the guys thinking, maybe they were being really bad by kicking fuck out of so many women and kids, kicking fuck out of them till they died! Fucking hell! Their heads were all a-flutter with confusion, so they trained incredibly hard by punching a brick wall, screaming and yodelling with explosive power.

Finally they were ready to go to Coventry and lay waste to the kids in the large playgroup. They had been planning this expedition for a good while now, and at last their brains and bodies were ready, conditioned to the level of a powerful prehistoric beast. Glenn sat there at his dining table and cried for a little while, sobbing and choking like a baby with colic. He cut his face up with a sharp little knife of his - just stabbed it into his cheek a bit and scrabbled it around. Mike Gull laughed at his crazy cool friend and threw himself down on the floor and started busting a caterpillar move. There were bits of smashed up baby on the floor and Gull got it all over his shirt, like an idiot! The two fighting experts felt a lot better - they had broken the ice, and managed to shake off the gloom felt from Geldof's harsh words. Gull and Happery high-fived each other and roared like mighty bears.

Walking down to the coach station, the two men were in the grip of so much serious power they were almost glowing and buzzing. Glenn shrieked like an exotic bird, and sprinted forward quickly, before jumping into the air with so much power he actually levitated six inches off the ground. He hovered forward, tilting left and right, with his fists aloft, screaming. An old lady was stepping out of her front door, quite slowly with her head down, muttering. Glenn Happery hovered towards her house really quickly and head-butted her, as she turned round. It was like the force of a meteor hitting the earth! Glenn was a lot taller than the elderly lady so had nutted her with an almost vertical motion, causing her head to fall in on itself. There was a very brief weak scream that was quickly superseded by a big sloshing noise, as the head mashed into jelly and got forced down into the neck of the jerking, twitching body. Glenn screamed "YEEEE-HAAAA!" like a cowboy, and the corpse of the lady slumped to the ground. He picked up the lifeless rag and threw it at Mike Gull with immense force. Mike delivered a sharp left jab to the rapidly hurtling body, a punch of such power and accuracy that the octogenarian's corpse actually exploded into tiny particles, like a gas. There was a lad of about nine riding down the road on one of those little metal scooters. Mike stood in his way and slapped him in the face incredibly hard with his right hand. Mike's blow was so powerful that it smashed all the skin and muscle off of the left hand side of the kid's face! It just ripped the fucking skin off his face so there was just a skull underneath. Glenn was watching Mike's effective combat skills, and when he saw the exposed skull he started crying and wailing like a little baby, in sheer terror and confusion! It was like one of those scary horror skeleton characters off of a haunted house! Glenn was distraught. Mike chuckled to himself as he threw the young lad into the side of a passing lorry. The screaming youngster splattered like a ripe tomato as it was such a hard throw, and the lorry had been going really fast. It was like a load of tomato ketchup all over the side of the big lorry! Glenn stopped crying and screaming and started giggling. The two men hugged each other like brothers and did a little synchronised dance for a few seconds. They were some pretty cool guys!

The two men passed a corner shop, and went in to get a couple of snacks. Mike Gull had a Peperami, because it was a meaty snack that was quite high in protein and would be good for his muscular training. Glenn Happery decided to get a Mars bar. He had never had a Mars bar before in his whole life! He was astounded by the delicious taste and chewy consistency. It was one of the tastiest things he had ever eaten. Suddenly, a white limousine pulled up in front of Happery and Gull. The two extraordinary fighters were really impressed by the flashy and expensive car. The door opened, and David Banda crawled out onto the pavement and looked at the warriors quizzically. Gull and Happery cracked their knuckles in preparation, and began to move toward the small adopted lad. The two guys stopped suddenly in the tracks though, as another passenger slowly made their way out of the car. Madonna held a Kabbalah book in each hand, arms outstretched at her sides. Mike and Glenn were agape as the sinewy pop singer cleared her throat and began to proclaim like a crazy and charismatic preacher..."GULL AND HAPPERY. YOU FUCKING PRICKS. I KNOW YOUR GAME AND YOU ARE NOT GETTING YOUR HANDS ON MY YOUNG ZAMBIAN ADOPTED CHILD. NEITHER WILL YOU GET THE CHANCE TO DESTROY ME". Madonna intoned with gravitas, and an strange alien quality, like from a science fiction film. "YOU THINK YOU ARE SOME GREAT GUYS, BUT THE HURT AND ANGUISH YOU HAVE CAUSED BY KILLING AND CRIPPLING PEOPLE IS OUT OF ORDER. THE TIME HAS COME, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I WILL USE MY KABBALAH MAGIC TO BRING JUSTICE. I MUST COMBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!" Madonna threw her head back and yelled. Young David Banda purposefully turned to face his adoptive mother and slowly raised his little baby hands to touch each Kabbalah book. Madonna and Banda were connected by the holy tomes! The earth started to rumble and the sky darkened, the young boy and the mother vibrating and spinning, faster and faster, emanating a harsh purple light that scorched Gull and Happery's eyes. Gradually the light faded, and standing where Madonna and Banda had been was a huge monolithic anthropoid form. It was a huge Cyclops with massive hands, the size of cars, glowing with magical energy. It was the Mabanda!

Mike and Glenn were paralysed to the spot. Their crazy killer minds were just about broken with the stress and madness of the situation. The Mabanda began to speak, in a terrifying, hissing croak. "VICTIMS OF THESE VIOLENT FOOLS, COME OUT OF YOUR GRAVES, YOUR HOSPITAL BEDS, YOUR WHEELCHAIRS! THE MABANDA BRINGS YOU LIFE AND HEALTH, AGAIN, SO YOU MAY AVENGE GULL AND HAPPERY! KABALLAH MABANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!...." The Mabanda clapped its enormous hands together and a magical portal opened, a portal through which hundreds, thousands, of women and children began to appear, all with expressions of stone, all fixed towards the currently overwhelmed violent champions. Gull and Happery recognised many of these faces. It couldn't be! Every single woman and child that the two men had killed was back, alive, hungry for vicious revenge! All the ones that the guys had crippled, or given serious brain damage too, all were back, in one-hundred-percent physical and mental health, baying for the blood of the two violent pricks. "MY CHILDREN, DRINK THE BLOOD OF YOUR SLAYERS, MAY YOU LIVE AGAIN! THE MABANDA HAS SPOKEN! KABALLAH MABANDAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" The women and children licked their lips hungrily, moaning and cackling, all the while encircling the terrified, frozen killers. Glenn Happery and Mike Gull were completely surrounded. Their legacy of death and despair was returning to them. Mike roared like a dying lion and Glenn cried and shrieked like a fevered tot, as the women and children began to tear huge chunks of flesh with their teeth, all the while laughing, gorging on meat and slurping hot blood. As Mike and Glenn defecated in terror, holding hands in a last pathetic attempt at solidarity, the last ever sound they would hear was the booming laugh of the Mabanda, resonating across the landscape, like an explosion in a quarry.

THE END

(c) N Brown 2007