guest spot no. 2: "NIGHT TO REMEMBER" by Uncle Steve

"real men eat meat, like dead rabbits. this one here has nice juicy
legs".. tasted rank.. i looked up at him and grimaced.. "you're doing
grand, geoff" he said, lovingly.. looking back, he was probably taking the piss - he was a fuckin cunt like that! kenny was my best friend in the world back then.. he nicked a paki's ball for me once, i've still got it now - mitre world cup 86 special.. "still stinks of curry" he joked! hahaha.. always been a funny bastard..

this bloke, called neil was always getting it.. one time kenny ordered neil to climb up on the roof to get our ball back.. there was fuck all up there! we nicked the ladder and left him up there all night.. he eventually jumped off, breaking his leg - "thick bastard," kenny would say, "shame he didn't fall a bit further and break his fuckin neck!" everyone was in stitches..

we packed up our camping gear and loaded the boot.. some prick nearby on the site was packing his tent up - had all the poles laid out neatly on the ground, ready to tuck away.. "watch this,
geoff".. pissed meself instantly - i knew exactly what was on the cards.. i grabbed my kestrel and took a ringside
seat.. kenny reversed the car sharply into the fancy-tent prick's head - hahaha! all his tent poles and fancy gear got crushed too, i was in hysterics.. we drove off crying with laughter.. i took a picture of him, flapping around in tears like a fuckin spacker! what a gayboy.. i treasure that pic..

we were ratted by the time we got back.. kenny parked up at the bus stop "come on, i'm starvin.. what you fancy?" "none of this foreign muck" i belched.. couldn't find an english takeaway, it was all fuckin greek, chink and paki food.. finding anything decent wasn't happening so we went the kebab house..

"what team do you support then?" kenny was in a good mood - chatty.. "er.. man-chester united my friend" said the foreigner behind the counter.. "fuckin ell, fuckin glory hunting cunt.. you wanna come down the victoria ground with me! you up for that mate, what's your number? i'll give yer a bell on saturday" "er.. haha! er.. that's ok mate.." "wha'?" "it's ok, you have a good time though mate eh? you have a good time my friend.." "wha'? you aint' coming, you fuckin greek prick?" "haha.. no, my friend you have a great day.. and i am from turkey mate.. you are a nice man mate.." i'll never forget the next bit, kenny was fuckin right on one! "come here, carlos.. " he said then nutted then bastard - went down like a sack of shit.. me being the fuckin showoff, i whipped out my dick and pissed all over him, the counter, grill and kebabs.. kenny walked out, embarrassed - i got a few funny looks for that one! I felt a right prick..

The Place was heaving.. i met mark stein on the door, he was my hero! proper set me up for the night.. kenny hadn't noticed - his jaw was hanging on the ground from all the fanny on display! in fact, it wasn't long till i lost him.. apparently he got some major rubs, even fucked some bird on the bonnet of our car! jammy cunt.. i couldn't hold my drink - passed out to Dancing Queen but not before i’d gotten MY rubs! fingered three birds!